Thursday, December 02, 2004

Honor, honoris

The Black Prince Jeremiah Lorrig this evening issued a challenge.

To the Lowest of the Lowly and Prawd and very leastest of those who arte virtueusly humble, and self called 'king' Aaron Gray.
It hast been long known that thau art a parasite in Our Vast Kingdom. Thau hast not acnouleged Our Happy Reigne und the Joy af Our Glad subjects. Thau also have defyed Our Most Powerful Person by empoying a moste Vile und Reched Vagabond, who for the Favor of the Noble Lady Carolyn's pleasure hast agreed to assert hisself as a hero by joyning the lost cause of userpation of Our Power und thus show the Fair Lady his worth. This afrount to Our secure Reighn is unpersidneted sinse Our Rise to the Kingship out of the vile Civil War. Thus being the case, We shall, alone Ourself, defeet Thine champiane in battle in the nuteral Ground between the happy lands of Montpilier und Montitello on the Holy Day, The LORD's day, Sunday Nexst, 20ty minuts aftor the Holy Worship und Time of devoute Prayer to the LORD that is lead by the Honest Mike the minstrel. SO LET IT BE KNOWN: THE BLACK PRICE HAS THUS SPOKEN.

Forver Wilt this Day be Recalled,
The Black Prince
Sir Jeremiah M. Lorrig Esq.
The Benevolent Ruler
Lord of the league of the faithful
Lieutenant of the Strömendes MittelcNetz
Leader of the Social
Marshal of Talking
He who is Silent, innocent, and unsuspected
Loyal Ally
Admiral de la Voiture Blanche
Duke of the Daring
Earl of the Eternal Alliance of the Pompous
Defender of Freedom
Steward of the Tower of Dapper
Bishop of the Churchly Coach
The Dreamer-Minstrel
Warden of the Chocolate
Chancellor of the Glasses and Drinks
Constable of the Assortment of Hats
Earl du Sunglasses
Counselor of the Indecisive
Humblest of Rulers
Protector of the innocent
Generous to the extreme
la Presidente of the Nobility of fencers
Master of Indirect Travel
Duke d'Excursion
Captain of the Hawkish Dove
Etc. Etc. Etc.


Upon reception of this remarkable missive, I (the Lady Carolyn referenced), my scribe Deborah Knicklebein, my assistant Emily Rose Cockerham, and the High Queen Sarah Lewis set out to investigate. It appears that a champion wishes to earn knighthood at my hand by fighting for the "lowest of the lowly" Aaron, who claims Jeremiah told him the other day he could be king (and has witnesses).

So I sent out the ruling of the fair High Queen and myself.


To all kings, princes, rulers in authority, knights, ladies, monks, citizens, churls, and pretenders:

BE IT KNOWN

That the fair High Queen and that of her handmaiden Lady Carolyn (who is in close agreement) have determined from this evening's inquiry that a true dispute has arisen over the proper kingship of the realm. This is no base quarrel and honor may thus be won therein. Upon this coming Lord's Day then let us meet at the appointed hour in the neutral ground between the dorms known to previous generations of discipuli as the Second and Third, now called Monticello and Montpelier after the homes of our most honored Second and Third American Presidents. There may the outcome be decided in clean battle between the contesting lords or such kinghts as they may appoint in their places. They shall each determine a second to decide upon the rules for combat at that time in the presence of us as witnesses. The winner of the duel shall be the True King, and let none take issue. It is not impossible (should honor be won by a champion) that a knighting shall take place that evening.

However, it is also the ruling of the fair High Queen that in the matter of one of the Black Prince's titles, namely that of "Chancellor of Glasses and Drinks," an issue pertaining to his honor and that of this Seat of Learning has arisen. A Royal Inquisition shall be held upon the case at a time to be determined at her ladyship's convenience.

Let none take offense. In the name of our Lord of truth and peace, may He be honored in all we do:

Lady Carolyn <:3 )---------


Upon which the Black Prince and his seconds replied:


Lady Carolyn,

If it please your ladyship:

To advance the fairness of the battle we, the Black Prince and the Pretender, wish to have three seconds on each side. Our royal qualifications and duties for seconds are as follows:
1. Seconds shall be honorable sons of honorable women of high birth and noble family.
2. Seconds shall lay out specific rules of engagement, conduct, and boundary.
3. The seconds shall enforce the rules of engagement, conduct, and boundary.
4. Seconds shall advise the contenders with tactics, plans, counsel, and fulfill other myriad and diverse glorious duties at the behest of the respective monarch and his challenger, the Pretender.

Rules are assented to by both parties: his royal majesty the Black Prince and his challenger, the Pretender.

Your humble and gracious servant,
Sir Michael, first second to his royal majesty the Black Prince
Engineer Extraordinaire
Knight of the Citadel
Boyar of Texas

at the dictation of his royal majesty,
The Black Prince
Sir Jeremiah M. Lorrig Esq.
The Benevolent Ruler
Lord of the league of the faithful
Lieutenant of the Strömendes MittelcNetz
etc.

To which I replied:

From your communication I learn that the rules have been assented to by both contending parties. If this is truth, I shall not withhold my assent. I shall beseech God's grace in this encounter and pray that you do the same.

--Lady Carolyn <:3 )---------

At this point Briane Kneynsberg requested information, which High Queen Sarah Lewis graciously supplied.

Madam High Queen, Ladies and Court,
If it please your Highness, coulde you be so very kind and explain how it is that this 'duel' is come about. The assult on the lands of the Black Prince is plain enough, but the startlingly wide chasm twix the assult and the duel is I'm afraid very deep and wide and uncrossable with out a bridge. Could your majesty provide one?
Most Gratefuly,
The Dutches~


Gentlemen and ladies of the court,

The high queen indeed wonders also at the reason of this duel. Unto such end was there inquiry this night, but the reason for so violent an encounter as a duel remains hidden.

Further, the high queen regrets that she may not see this duel because of other engagements, but she wishes that the best man may win, and that Lady Carolyn's honor may be upheld by all.
And further, and as the Lady Carolyn has spoken, the high queen and Lady Carolyn do wish to question the Black Prince upon the matter of one of his (many) titles, to wit, Chancellor of the Glasses and Drinks. It is their hope that this title is indeed an honorable one.

May all grace be with you.

the high queen
and humble servant of all in this fair realm


And quoth Jeremiah:

All Thee,

In the Shoutest order, Our rule was challing'd by the Lord Aaron Gray. Be'ng that he is not the master sowrdsmen that matches Our Hight Self, a vagabonde hast vaulineer'd to fyght on his behalf. The rumored motive of this up'start is that he ist in need of a Great deede for the Lady Carolyn to Knyght him.

Your High Lord,The Black Prince
Sir Jeremiah M. Lorrig Esq.



From Aaron Gray:

I have at length kept my peace about this matter, but forthwith I must make myself clear. I am outraged at the speculation and the deception of my challenger the Black Prince, whence he knoweth the true nature of our contention. Be it known, I am not the aggressor in this matter. It is the quite the contrary; it is my opponent. In this matter I have no motives to accept this challenge other than to retain what was conferred upon me, and thereby my honor. As I stated before the gracious High Queen and her ladyship Carolyn this very evening, I was by unanimous consent on the Seventh of October in the Year of our Lord Two Thousand and Four in the company of Sir Robert Gray, esquire, the Honorable Quinn Harr, the Venerable Kendell Asbenson, and the Black Prince himself. Upon this friendly stroll down winding pathway, it was agreed at length that I was King. Moreover, the Black Prince declared himself to be in my service. At that time, I had not been enlightened to the royal status of the prince. Presently we made our way to the great dining hall whereupon a rather dynamic entry we sat down to our victuals and begin to converse. Thereupon, the Black Night must have regained his presence of mind, for he then asserted the fact that he was indeed royalty and that my existence in his realm constituted a tension that could only be resolved by either me relinquishing my rightfully acquired position, or accepting the gauntlet, which he threw down. Upon council with my Ambassador of the Realm, the venerable Kendell Asbenson, I accepted the challenge and took up the gauntlet.

Therewith you have the facts of the event. Might I also venture the following observation.
It is my inclination that the Black Prince is devious in his ways. In an attempt to gain exposure and assert his power, he has created this present situation. Regardless his motive, if he is indeed royalty and willingly conferred upon me a position of royalty, (not making known his own position or any belief that he saw me as a threat) it was therefore consent by him. Why then is he attempting to remove from me what he willing conferred?

Nevertheless, with the challenge before me, I accept it.

My champion, the Vagabond, who hath for years long been removed from my company, has returned. And in a discourse of late with him, he has granted me the assurance that in fulfillment of a long-standing debt he oweth me, he will take up the challenge in my stead.

Humbly yours,
King Aaron the Gray
Servant of His People
Protector of Safe Harbor
Ambassador of Silence
Lord of the Western Valley


From Sir Carver:

Such tensions must be dealt with. However -- I will never recognize thee as my ruler. In fact, I would rather die in mortal combat than have either the Black Prince or this new upstart assert their authority over my keep.

David Caerl Carverr
Terror of the Saracens
Knight of the Lady Carolyn
Keeper of the Sacred Chocolate
Enforcer of the Laws of Grammar

2 comments:

M. Hunsberger said...

Okay... my head officially hurts now. :-D *grin*

-Sir H....I mean Mr.H

Pinon Coffee said...

Poor Snail. I agree, it is a pity these old English types can't spell. ;-) But at least it's creative of us.